so, I'm kind of embarrassed about my last journal. Have gotta to get better about decisions and sticking with them... anyway....

HELLO!
(I know nobody reads these things, but I like hearing the echo in this little niche of cyberspace)

1) O.O
So, I mentioned to my Dad how I didn't have Photoshop anymore, and then he said that he had a package from forever ago that contained Photoshop elements 3.0 and I'm like, wait, for free? And he said, yeah, it came with the wacom intuos 3 graphics tablet. I'm like, tablet?? He said, yeah, I let your little sister borrow it since I have no use for it.

This is one of those shocking moments that makes life so interesting.

Now I am experimenting and playing around with the tablet... It is so exciting. Now I feel pity and remorse for all the other people who don't have one. I feel like I betrayed them.

2) I have devolved into something that wastes time on the net, watches TV, and does nothing at work. I've turned into a lazy person. Being lazy is okay if you have nothing that needs to be done, but stuff needs to be done! I think I have recovered from my semester now (it was horrendous. I worked on a project forty hours out of the week all through out the semester and I eventually failed the project and the class. FAILURE.) It takes too much energy to learn, or even to reflect on who I want to be. When I tried to talk to God, I think he listened at first, but then I kept talking, and talking, not letting him answer my questions, and then I lost Him. I completely walked in another direction from Him. So last night I felt like I needed to get out--the only logical way to get out of the house is by squeezing out the window and scaling the wall, naturally--and I ran half way around the neighborhood trying to hear God. Then it hit me. "Produce fruit by keeping with repentance" Matt. 3:8 (This is why memorizing scripture is important, kids). I knew what is right, but I haven't done it. I mean, you can't go to someone's house and not talk to them and then say you are friends. That's wrong. God knows when your heart is in the wrong place, that you don't want to be friends with him, but he wants you back most desperately. You know, not having a conversation with Him is just as good as saying you don't value the relationship you have with Him, that you don't want to be friends. But He still loves you and is quick to forgive.

Anyway, I hope I have energy now. I know I can get strength from God, but before last night I shied away from his all consuming presence. I felt just like Peter when he dropped to his knees and said "I have sinned, I cannot follow you." I just wanted to get away and try to compensate not being with God by studying theology. It's taken a lot to decide to be with Jesus anyway, even though I am so imperfect and he is not. To follow after him, even to be covered by the dust of his footsteps. You know those moments when you decide to do something and you know you will never turn back? This was like that for me.

3)Between the snail comics, another project (won't tell yet ) , and the silhouettes, I'm done with drawing. I still have the book reviews I promised, have to patch my clothes, finish the study abroad application, and study Japanese (I'm taking 301 next year and I am scared to pieces. You see, I never got the foundational stuff and now I am all mixed up. My first teacher had to teach three levels in one class period, so I was bored and instead of reading manga, I joined the JPN 2s and 3s. Bad idea. Now 102 is too easy for me, but 202 is too hard. HELP. you probably didn't need to hear that. Oh well).

I hope this finds you well!
Peace to you, and love with faith from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.